When I think about the things I should have learned I wouldn't have got my fingers burned I wouldn't have taken that wrong turn When I think about the things I should have learned Why I didn't, I don't know I guess I'm a little... slow I should have learned that mashed potato doesn't go with chips Should have learned that when I park the car I should always check for skips It's a moment on the tongue, but a lifetime on the hips I should have learned... I should have learned I should have learned to read the question before starting the exam And sometimes thin and crispy can be nicer than deep pan Should have learned to tell the difference between a woman and man I should have learned... I should have learned I should have learned that cut price flowers aren't her idea of romance I should have learned when to play it safe and when to take a chance I should have checked for window cleaners before dancing in my pants I should have learned... I should have learned I should have learned I'm not the kind of guy who can pull off a sarong And when she asked "does my bum look big in this" I shouldn't have paused that long I should have learned that I'm not always right, but my wife is never wrong I should have learned... I should have learned I should have learned that when you write a song but don't spend that much time You can't put something funny in every single line And you can't expect your words to somehow magically scan properly I should have learned... I should have learned I should have learned that when my life is drifting slowly down the pan Sometimes you've got to muddle through any way you can And my mistakes turned into something I never could have planned I should have learned... I should have learned

No alarms today No phones to ring I’m just… Waking up with the sun and my love No work today No bills to pay It’s just you and me my love. And today, the world just melts away I needed a day like this I needed a day like this No demands And no firm plans We’ve got all the time in the world my love No plots to hatch No trains to catch It’s just you and me my love And today, the world just melts away And today, the world just melts away I needed a day like this I needed a day like this I needed a day like this I needed a day like this

There’s a wave that’s breaking On some far off shore I tried to hold the tide back But I can’t do it anymore And the earth is shaking With every step I take It’s becoming clear now That I’ve been making waves. Tuvalu, what have we done to you? I don’t want to make the wave that’s gonna cover you. Like King Canute before us We can’t turn the tide back Soon the raging waters Will wash you from the map Now the roaring oceans To you have staked their claim I guess that we should shoulder Our fair share of the blame Tuvalu, what have we done to you? I don’t want to make the wave that’s gonna cover you. Tuvalu, what have we done to you? I don’t want to make the wave that’s gonna cover you.

No west end show where I can go To see your name in lights - you play the starring role Behind the scenes, for me you've done so much No silver screen that I have seen Where I can go to show to me how much you mean The credits roll - for me you've done so much It only seems right that I should put your name in lights You're my star, and how you shine for me tonight The world's a stage, I spend each day Auditioning to find the perfect part to play I've made the cast - for me you've done so much It only seems right that I should put your name in lights You're my star, and how you shine for me tonight

When I feel the need for biscuits I reach for my biscuit tin Gently peel back the lid and I reach right in I find that it is empty, with only crumbs inside I'll open a new packet, but I can't decide... There's garibaldi and fig rolls too Bourbons are tasty but not too good for you But chocolate digestives are the stuff of dreams But strangely, some prefer the custard creams There's hob nobs, and biscuits of that ilk The one with the cows on - the malted milk And there's a thought with me that often lingers: I could eat a whole packet of chocolate fingers Of party rings and pink wafers I must take account But as the name suggests, jaffa cakes just don't count And the penguin and the Jacob's club deserve to be clapped For these lovely biscuits are individually wrapped There's something that's always puzzled me The enduring popularity of the rich tea And there's a biscuit that's loved by all from baby's to codgers The family favourite, the jammie dodgers But when my supply is exhausted and my cupboard almost bare I find my mood is changing to one of despair I best get myself out there before the shop shuts And buy myself a packet of ginger nuts

When the time is right I’ll tell you how I’m feeling When the time is right I’ll say what I’ve got to say When the time is right and no-one else is listening When the time is right and nothing’s in the way. When the time is right I’ll share with you my secrets and When the time is right I’ll open up my heart When the time is right and I don’t feel so nervous When the time is right then I’ll try and make a start But tonight I’m wondering whether I will wake one day and find That I’ve spent all my life Waiting till the time is right When the time is right I’ll tell you that I’m sorry When the time is right on that imaginary day When the time is right and I ask for your forgiveness When the time is right you’ll have forgotten anyway When the time is right I’m gonna pop the question When the time is right I’ll sing a different song When the time is right I’ll leave the job I’m doing When the time is right and I’m sure nothing can go wrong

Friends since the war are worth fighting for And so are the memories We keep them alive, say goodbye to our wives Just for the evening A table for four Who could ask for more We’ve said goodbye with tears in our eyes To those who have fallen Time marches on, and though they are gone They’re not forgotten Food and friendship on a Thursday night Yeah, we put the world to rights Aching joints and fading sight They don’t mean a thing tonight Faces old but eyes still bright Nothing’s ever black and white I see things in a different light The world’s a different place on Thursday night Roll back the years, have a few beers Flirt with the waitress Friendship remains, it stays the same Through all of life’s changes Bridge: They say we live our lives learning to be older Well I don’t know if that’s true, but I could learn something from you

You say you're alright You say it's ok You say you'll survive You say that's just the way it goes But the pain in your eyes it shows And so you try, I know you try To hide away your tears behind closed doors But your tears are not unnoticed And so you try, I know you try To hide away your tears behind closed doors But your tears are not unnoticed You say you're just fine You've had better days You say that's just life And you try every way you know The painful truth not to show There is one who watches every tear Weeps when we weep, know how it feels And in each sorrow he is there He shows us how to care When we don't know

Counting sheep, I can't sleep But so much in my head Roof needs mending, emails need sending Got to bake some bread Got to get a pension, got to ease the tension Got to trim the privet hedge Got to keep slimming, nasal hair needs trimming Got to eat five portions of fruit and veg I need a little peace of mind It's getting pretty hard to find I may not be cash-rich but I'm time-poor One day I'll complete the list Making sure that nothing's missed But I really need to organise my sock drawer Sheep to count, no small amount So much on my mind Got to finish reading that book On managing my time Grass needs cutting, arguments need rebutting Need to check the date on that quiche Need to do the ironing, nothing rhymes with ironing Need to think of a word that rhymes with ironing 4am, awake again, Midnight oil's been burned Nappy needs changing, cushions need arranging Need to file my tax return Need to find an answer, need to check for testicular cancer So much still to do Need to do the washing up, need to pump the tyres up And I really need a poo

I’ll make you porridge every morning I’ll scrape the ice off of your car I’ll get home late then take you shopping I’ll let you hold the credit card I’ll rub your back until my arms ache Have a shave, get my hair cut I’ll bring you cookies and a milkshake I will wash and peel the spuds We are making a love to last a lifetime I don’t mind if it takes a little time There’s nothing better than love to last a lifetime I’ll do everything I can, to make you mine I will hang out all the washing Pairing up the odd black socks Switch the TV off of standby And I’ll switch off the cable box I’ll make the tea and then wash up I’ll ask you if you’d care to dance I’ll hold your hair while you throw up Now that is what I call romance I’ll let you choose the pizza topping Stay up and talk with you for hours I’ll use the appropriate board for chopping It means as much as buying flowers Well I’ll remember what I promised On that day you changed your name And from that moment when our lips kissed We started playing the long game

I don't ask for much Just the knowledge I'm OK A hope in my tomorrow And a grace in my today I need nothing more Than all you want to give So quiet all my worrying Teach me how to live I don't need all the answers To the questions in my mind To walk round every corner Knowing what I'll find I don't need every detail Of all that you have planned Just give me something to keep me going And I'll hold onto your hand I've been given much And all of it by grace My striving couldn't buy my rights And I failed to earn my place I need nothing more Than you, my daily bread To stand upon your promise Believing what you said I don't need all the answers To the questions in my mind To walk round every corner Knowing what I'll find I don't need every detail Of all that you have planned Just give me something to keep me going And I'll hold onto your hand